Cheapskate Dinner Stories

[Exon123]

I got a phone call day before yesterday from "9 Toe Moe". He anounced that he was on his way to see me in about 10 day's. Seem's he get's triple miles at the "Rabbi" price flying from Buenos Aires to Washington on to L. A. Then another connecting flight to where I live. All for the miles.

This will be Moe's second trip to visit Exon in the last 6 weeks, each time flying all the way from Buenos Aires. I think he likes it here at Exon's. And why shouldn't he, free everything, feather pillow's, maid service, This time the pool will be warm enough to swim. Eating in the city's finest restaruants.

Well not exactly, last trip a month ago I took him to my favorite place to eat, he'd have no part of it, said its to expensive. I said "What the Fuck Do You Care, I'm Buying". "Nope" he answered back "I Want A Fish Sandwitch From Mc Donnalds"

OK so I took him to my place anyway, sat him down at the bar, drank a couple of double Beefeaters on the rocks and told Him "Hey lesson MotherFucker Your Going To Eat Here Anyway", since price was an object for Moe I ordered the cheapest thing, some Pasta, I had the Prime Rib, something not avilable in Buenos Aires.

Well dinner came and went, Moe didn't touch a bite of it, just sat there and looked at it while I eat the Prime Rib. OK, so I had it packed up and gave it to the cleaning woman the next day, not to waste good food, that's a sin you know. Then I drove Moe to Mc Donnalds and bought him a fish sandwitch and a some fries, he was in heaven.

The next night, Saturday I have a standing reservation at the finest steak house in the city, they even have a place already set up for me when I come in. "Nope " Moe say's again, "I want to go to Fur's Cafateria with your Friend Tom the Red Neck Roofer". "OK CockSucker", I tell him but first I'm stopping in for a couple of Beefeaters then we'll go to Fur's with the "Roofer", and we do.

We get to the trialer park where the Roofer live's and the Fucking Roofer has discount ticket's for Fur's. Moe's beside himself with joy. Moe's finally found someone in life in his own league for being a Cheap CockSucker. Magine Exon eating Saturday night dinner at Fur's Cafatiera. Off we go and the total bill come's to $26 dollars for the 3 of us. I leave a $10 dollar tip just to Fuck with them and they both go "Ape Shit".

Well the next day, Sunday, only one more day to go. Moe ask's me, "can I use your computer to check my e-mail". "No problem Moe" go right a head. He taking to much time, somethings wrong, so I go in to check on him. The CockSucker is on United Airlines website filling out a survey. He's filling out a survey on his last flight telling the airline how shitty the flight was and the service on the flights sucks.

"Whats this shit all about Moe". I ask him. "Oh I get a extra 9,000 miles for the poor service from United by doing this", "you CockSucker" I tell him don't you use my computer to rip off the airline.

Well this time he's giving me 10 day's notice. Since Last month he gave me just one day notice before he showed up and I ate his ass out for it. He also say's he'll rent his own car so he doesn't have to eat in expensive restrurants and go to Fur's with the Roofer.

I swear every word is true, Moe's welcome, no problem, but I sure as Fuck am not going to drop everything to entertain Moe.

Exon

[Jackson]

Hey Exon,

I know you've got a better Nine Toe Moe dinner story than that, because I was there.

One evening I was at a restaurant having dinner with Exon, Moe and Moe's full time, live-in girlfriend. The bill with tip for the four of us was $180 pesos, and after a cursory review and dividing the total by 4, Exon and I each put 45 pesos on the table. Moe, after looking alternately at the bill and his open wallet several times, announced that we had incorrectly calculated his portion of the bill. The math seemed obvious to Exon and myself, but Moe insisted that the bill should have been divided by 3 as he felt that Exon and I should also pay for his girlfriend's meal. Finally after several minutes of Moe's stubborn insistence, and given that we were ready to leave, Exon and I decided between ourselves to end this moronic impasse by dropping another 20 pesos each on the table.

The next week Exon calls me and tells me that Moe and his girlfriend will be joining us for dinner that evening. I told Exon very clearly that I wasn't going to be paying for Moe's girlfriend's dinner again, and Exon assured me that he had already made that point clear to Moe, who had assured Exon that this would not be an issue.

As we were ordering, Moe's new dining strategy was revealed to us, and it was devilishly simple and vintage Moe, to wit: He simply didn't allow his girlfriend to order anything!

When Moe got his drink, he poured some from his glass into his girlfriend's glass, and when his dinner was delivered, he spooned a portion from his plate onto her plate. Clearly the poor girl didn't get enough to eat as evidenced by the fact that she consumed the entire basket of table bread, resulting in her being admonished by Moe for disrupting his standard practice of pocketing (literally) the table bread for a later snack.

What a class act this guy is!

Needless to say, that was my last dinner with Moe, although Exon continues to associate with this world class cheapskate, which I don't understand given that Moe's contribution to any conversation is about equal to what one would expect from a bag of rocks.

Thanks,

Jackson


I got a phone call day before yesterday from "9 Toe Moe". He anounced that he was on his way to see me in about 10 day's. Seem's he get's triple miles at the "Rabbi" price flying from Buenos Aires to Washington on to L. A. Then another connecting flight to where I live. All for the miles.

This will be Moe's second trip to visit Exon in the last 6 weeks, each time flying all the way from Buenos Aires. I think he likes it here at Exon's. And why shouldn't he, free everything, feather pillow's, maid service, This time the pool will be warm enough to swim. Eating in the city's finest restaruants.

Well not exactly, last trip a month ago I took him to my favorite place to eat, he'd have no part of it, said its to expensive. I said "What the Fuck Do You Care, I'm Buying". "Nope" he answered back "I Want A Fish Sandwitch From Mc Donnalds"

OK so I took him to my place anyway, sat him down at the bar, drank a couple of double Beefeaters on the rocks and told Him "Hey lesson MotherFucker Your Going To Eat Here Anyway", since price was an object for Moe I ordered the cheapest thing, some Pasta, I had the Prime Rib, something not avilable in Buenos Aires.

Well dinner came and went, Moe didn't touch a bite of it, just sat there and looked at it while I eat the Prime Rib. OK, so I had it packed up and gave it to the cleaning woman the next day, not to waste good food, that's a sin you know. Then I drove Moe to Mc Donnalds and bought him a fish sandwitch and a some fries, he was in heaven.

The next night, Saturday I have a standing reservation at the finest steak house in the city, they even have a place already set up for me when I come in. "Nope " Moe say's again, "I want to go to Fur's Cafateria with your Friend Tom the Red Neck Roofer". "OK CockSucker", I tell him but first I'm stopping in for a couple of Beefeaters then we'll go to Fur's with the "Roofer", and we do.

We get to the trialer park where the Roofer live's and the Fucking Roofer has discount ticket's for Fur's. Moe's beside himself with joy. Moe's finally found someone in life in his own league for being a Cheap CockSucker. Magine Exon eating Saturday night dinner at Fur's Cafatiera. Off we go and the total bill come's to $26 dollars for the 3 of us. I leave a $10 dollar tip just to Fuck with them and they both go "Ape Shit".

Well the next day, Sunday, only one more day to go. Moe ask's me, "can I use your computer to check my e-mail". "No problem Moe" go right a head. He taking to much time, somethings wrong, so I go in to check on him. The CockSucker is on United Airlines website filling out a survey. He's filling out a survey on his last flight telling the airline how shitty the flight was and the service on the flights sucks.

"Whats this shit all about Moe". I ask him. "Oh I get a extra 9,000 miles for the poor service from United by doing this", "you CockSucker" I tell him don't you use my computer to rip off the airline.

Well this time he's giving me 10 day's notice. Since Last month he gave me just one day notice before he showed up and I ate his ass out for it. He also say's he'll rent his own car so he doesn't have to eat in expensive restrurants and go to Fur's with the Roofer.

I swear every word is true, Moe's welcome, no problem, but I sure as Fuck am not going to drop everything to entertain Moe.

Exon

[Daddy Rulz]

When Moe got his drink, he poured some from his glass into his girlfriend's glass, and when his dinner was delivered, he spooned a portion from his plate onto her plate. Clearly the poor girl didn't get enough to eat as evidenced by the fact that she consumed the entire basket of table bread, resulting in her being admonished by Moe for disrupting his standard practice of pocketing (literally) the table bread for a later snack.

What a class act this guy is!

Needless to say, that was my last dinner with Moe, although Exon continues to associate with this world class cheapskate, which I don't understand given that Moe's contribution to any conversation is about equal to what one would expect from a bag of rocks.It's because you can't pay for entertainment like that! Sometimes you have to suffer through an experience simply to have it in your collection of "I can do you one better than that" stories.

[Jackson]

It's because you can't pay for entertainment like that! Sometimes you have to suffer through an experience simply to have it in your collection of "I can do you one better than that" stories.Dr,

You are correct, and I've gotten a lot of mileage telling the story, which is even more humorous when delivered to an audience.

Thanks,

Jackson

[El Queso]

I have to say that maybe Exon's story tops the Moe / girlfriend story. However, I may be prejudiced by the fact that I've heard the story Jackson tells so many times. Not that I'm not entertained every time he tells it, mind you - I still take fresh enjoyment in watching the person who hasn't heard the story as it unfolds, told very expertly (being well rehearsed) by Jackson;)

The closest I seem to get to the real cheapskates are the guys who take the bus instead of a cab to get across town:P Moe's living the (cheapskate) dream compared to these guys!